hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize