He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
