He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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