someone threw a dead crab at me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
