If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize