id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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