wrigley field is MILF paradise
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
