i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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