i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
