The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
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