apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
