I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
