Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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