I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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