awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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