She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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