We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
