Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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