i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
