you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
