I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
