Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
