If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
