hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
