I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
