She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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