Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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