Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
