You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
