how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize