sarcasm needs its own font
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize