It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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