Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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