He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
