My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
