i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
