I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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