Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
