I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize