so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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