making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
