u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
