Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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