my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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