wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize