I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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