Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
