if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
