4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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