The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
