see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
