Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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