we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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