I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
