You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
