Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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