We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
