No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize