dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
