i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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