Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
