I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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