my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
