also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
