You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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