My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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