I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Congratulations! We have a period
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