I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
