Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize