you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
