There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
